Happy Christmas and Other Diabolical Disasters

Happy month of politically-correct-holidays-even-though-we-all-know-it’s-Christmas to you fellow bloggers!

The chill is in the air and everyone is getting in the spirit for the END OF THE WORLD!

Now my hope is that most of you know this is all poppycock and we can have a good laugh at the end of today, but on the off chance that it is the actual end of the world kudos to all the paranoid for being right for once and ill see you in some universal afterlife of a sort.

Anyways

It took a while to realize the fact that today was the big day. I found it pretty convenient that it happens to be on a Friday (those Mayans are pretty cool guys) and also the day my family goes off to see a holiday dinner show. So if the world ends, at least we’ll be full and entertained.

I’ve been in a good mood after my Lord of the Rings marathon and felt it was necessary to share the feeling with all my fellow bloggers!

This season, remember it is a time for happiness. I wish you all a great Christmas Day or a happy Chanukah (I always favored this spelling because of how you can pronounce it like cha-nu-ka!) or possibly Kwanza if that’s how you roll.

The reason I love this season so much is because of all the seasons in the world, the Christmas season is one that rarely ever changes. You have the stores showing Christmas decoration in early October, the crazy Black Friday, but what really defines the season is the music. God I love Christmas music, and not only Cus it’s just awesome, but because it grows up with you. This music is the music that I sang when I was 6 and will continue to sing when I’m 86! It’s this time of the year where the feeling is always the same and the air is strong with the smell of Christmas cheer.

Then there’s the movies: we have the classics like Chrismas Story, and The Grinch, and the favorites like Elf and Polar Express. This Christmas will bring the same cheer as the one before and the next Christmas will do the same.

So what I try and say is that no matter what’s happening in your life always try to keep a lil Christmas in your heart!

Happy End of the World to all!!!!

Jon, out.

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Cup of Morning #2+2

Hello fellow bloggers! It’s a great day to be alive and another day for some freshly brewed Morning!!!

Today’s song of choice shall be Wet Welly by Goldfish. This band is most well known for Fort Knox, but damn can they make some epic beats. Enjoy!

And now we return to the story of

KING TURDIUS AND THE DIAMOND PENGUIN!

Last time, King Turdius was approached by a stranger. This old man brought warnings of the return of the Dark Dukes of Marmite!

When the old man was revealing how to stop the Dark Dukes, a knife flew through the window hitting him and killing him. King Turdius found a parcel in the strangers hand that read:

Head to the place where it ended to find where it will end again.

Wielding his might sword Talliwag, King Turdius went onwards in search of an old friend.

“Turdius, are you sure about this?” His advisor Eckton asked.

“I’ve never been more sure Eck, I knew one day I’d be leaving these lands once again, that stranger only reassured me of something I already knew.” He said.

“As my most trusted advisor, I know you can run things in my absence. Thank you for assembling my backpack.” Turdius said this with honor on his voice.

Eckton was a like a father to Turdius, always being there since his beginnings. He was one of the few of Turdius’s staff that had never left, been fired, or was arrested for corrupt actions.

“Here Turdius, this shield has been passed down through the royal lineage. It’s been kept in safe keeping until it was needed. This shield protects you from attacks as well as magic. And when carried by your lineage is completely weightless. To those of evil it will be infinitely heavy. May it aide you.”

What Eckton said was true, in his hands this shield felt like nothing. Turdius had to double check to make sure he was actually holding it.

“I’m off now Eckton, stay safe.” He said as be walked through the doors.

Turdius walked into the night air and took a deep breath, summer was ending and the nips of fall were in the air. Turdius did not want to makes grand exit and chose to leave at night to avoid causing any concern to his citizens.

He donned his hood and headed toward the outer edges of his land. After a half-hours walk he reached the Durgen River Bridge which marked the official edge of his kingdom. Turdius took one last look at his home; the lanterns throughout the towns glimmered warmly and gave a welcoming glow to all the houses and buildings. It put a smile on his face.

Going on this trail brought back memories of 10 years prior when Turdius first traversed these lands in search of a place to build home.

3 days Turdius walked, and 3 nights Turdius slept until finally he came to the harshlands. Geysers spewed here and there releasing steam and heat into a land unfamiliar with the word. The snow always fell on this land, perpetually turning it white.

Turdius exhaled, forming a miniature cloud that quickly blew away. The snow was falling gently and ironically gave a calm and quiet atmosphere to the harshlands. Even still, Turdius stayed very alert, he knew there was something watching him. He always knew.

“REVEAL YOURSELF YOU SCOUNDREL!” he roared as he crashed his sword on the ground.

Silence.

Then, a gunshot broke the silence. Turdius quickly held up his shield just in time to hear the ping as it hit against the magic metal.

“ALWAYS THE HEAD ISN’T IT?!” He said as he started running.

Suddenly he heard a rustle from his side and a figure jumped at him.

They collided in the snow and started exchanging hits. Turdius got a good punch in the stomach, but suffered a snap to the head. He quickly kicked up with his feet and pushed the attacker away giving enough time to get back up.

It was a man clad in white garments with a scarf masking his face. In his hands he held an icy cutlass and a rifle on his back. He grunted as he swung his cutlass, which collided with Talliwag.

Every hit left a small layer of frost on Turdius’s sword making it more difficult for him to strike and parry. As skilled as Turdius was eventually he could no longer hold his own and a completely frozen Talliwag was knocked out of his hands.

With the cutlass inches from Turdius’s throat the man spoke.

“I would think after 10 years you’d put up a better fight.” He scoffed.

Turdius could feel the cold emanating from the cutlass.

“And I would think that after 10 years you’d learn how to fight like a man.” He chuckled.

“Aye! Turdius that mouth of yours is gonna get you killed!”

“That’s a compliment from where I’m from.”

The figure held out a hand and helped Turdius up.

“Obviously a brain isn’t required where you’re from.” He said staring at Turdius. There was a moment of silence and then the two men embraced.

“It’s good to see you old friend.” Turdius said to the man shaking his hand.

“Arr next time write before you stop in.” He said back.

“Wicks.”

“Turdius.”

“It’s bad.”

“I figured as much.”

“They’re back”

“Took long enough, are we gonna finish the fight?”

“We need to find something first.”

“A better sword?” Wicks chuckled while saying this.

“We gotta go back to Erket, apparently it’ll help us find the Diamon Penguin.”

“Erket…. It’s been some time, pretty sure it’s overrun by minions now.”

“Never said it would be easy.”

“Just the way I like it. Come rest up in my cabin and enjoy a meal. We have lots of catching up and stories to tell.”

“Indeed we do.”

And with that Turdius and Wicks headed towards an evergreen forest.

And there it is everyone! Another installment if TURDIUS AND THE DIAMOND PENGUIN for you all.

Be sure to stay around for more morning cups, evening teas, and late night javas! Because the next chapter can come anytime!

As always have a great day and hope you enjoyed the post!

Jon, out.

Late Night Java

If you haven’t figured out by now my lovely fellow bloggers. I tend to be writing these posts with a common theme of coffee in the title.

So I can only hope you understand what I mean when I say you’re about to read a Late Night Java. Enjoy

Let’s start with some music as always. Be Still by The Fray. I recently found out that they had released a new album sometime at the beginning of this year. Good song.

Anyways, so for those of u taking this java late at night with me then you know how I’m feeling now. Tired. Being tired, but staying awake can create an effect similar to being drunk, but then again I assume you have to know what being drunk is before you can say such things.

I personally don’t drink, but I imagine it’s slightly similar to drinking some Vicks for a cold. Right before you go under it’s like being in a different world.

Anyways

So I always wondered about the triceratops. Like dafuq dude, why do you have three horns? Science always told me its for protection and mating or whatnot, but seriously tribroatops, why three?

Like what would the triceratops say?

“Aww Jon man, listen I got this great, no Jon listen man, I got this. Haha, listen I got this idea, listen Jon, like what if. What if I had a horn… On my facking nose and like I just put two extra on my head. Bro it would be facking genius!”

Facking. Genius.

What I think is that the triceratops was a sick perverted individual though. Like think about this.

Two in the pink, one in the stink.

That is a triceratops, those sneaky bastards.

They’re using their triple penetration horns to fulfill their sexual agenda this whole time.

Defense my ass, they prolly wanted to molest those T. Rexs’ and the Rex would be like ‘stranger danger dude!’ So triceratops is all like ‘naw man I just wanna get the tip.’

So in the end that’s where babies come from.

Trisexytops being horny (get it?).

Yea

This has been a Late Night Java.

From your lovable trisexytops, enjoy your nights people.

Jon, out.

Super Powers! Scientifically Explained #2 transparency

Hello fellow bloggers an welcome back to yet another Super Power Explained!

Today we’re going to deal with the on if my personal favourite powers: transparency.

You know, like a ghost, going through walls and crap. Cool stuff

The first thing I must make not of us that transparency and invisibility are two different things. Yet, coincidentally, transparency does have a side effect of making users practically unseeable, but it’s detrimental and possibly fatal if used in a long period of time.

So let’s get any confusion out of the way. Invisibility is the power of taking an object and cloaking it from our vision. There’s essentially two types: camouflage and light manipulation.

Invisibility bends light around an object so that it cannot be seen. However, heat signals would still radiate.

Transparency however allows light to go through an object and coincidentally is a poor at encasing heat.

So now to the power. In order for something to become transparent and essentially go through walls, its atoms must arrange in a fashion as to fit through the atoms in said wall.

Most may not know this. But solid objects are actually quite porous on an atomic level.

Knowing a little about atoms, one would remember that the actual nucleus is very tiny compared to the electron field surrounding it. How tiny? If a rubber eraser at the end of a pencil was the nucleus. The electron field would be the size of a football stadium. So yea pretty big. This entails that there is a lot of space within an atom.

In theory this should allow for some movement between atoms, but not all. Another thing about atoms is that the connections they make, usually leave spaces in between which again may allow atoms to move through. Saying this. Not it’s time to consider how it would be feasible.

If one were able to apply some force whether it be magnetic or something else, in order to space their own atoms through these holes in the world. They could in theory achieve transparency.

Now there’s a lot of haZards with this like getting stuck in a wall, losing parts of your atoms. All in all however the basic idea is manipulating one’s own atoms to fit through the spaces in this world.

That is transparency my friends.

Also, stay tuned tonight for a new brew in the collection of drinkable posts: the Late Night Java!

You won’t wanna miss it! As always, I hope you all have a wonderful evening.

Jon, out.

Super Powers! Scientifically Explained #1 power over ice and other cold things

Hello fellow bloggers! Welcome to a new section of my blog where I explain the possible science behind super powers and how it could be possible.

So we’re starting with the power over ice and cold. You know, shooting ice, freezing stuff, free Popsicles. The cool stuff (pun intended).

So before I explain the actual process of the power. Let me explain cold itself.

Temperature is what we use to measure how warm or cold the area around us is. What most people didn’t know is that temperature is actually a speedometer for atoms.

What temperature essentially is, is the movement of atoms in response to energy or lack thereof with the area.
The sun radiates waves of energy, among other things, throughout the solar system. In response, the atoms start vibrating and moving around as the energy goes through. This in essence is temperature, movement of atoms.

Now heat is actually something completely different. Heat is not the speed of movement of atoms, but rather the amount of energy contained within a group of atoms. In essence, the bigger something is, the more heat it can contain.

Now to review and apply the differences between heat and temperature let’s compare a pot of boiling water and a lake.

Temperature wise the pot of boiling water is much higher than the lake. Again this is because the atoms within the pot are moving much faster than the lake.

Heat wise however, the lake has much more heat. This is because the lake contains much more energy within it than the pot.

Now that we’ve established heat and temperature, let’s get into the power!

Essentially in order to create this effect of cold one would need to somehow manipulate the air around them in that energy coming in would be repelled. This would in turn lower the temperature at a moderate pace.

For a more instantaneous freezing effect one would have to not only repel energy, but also manipulate the atoms themselves to stop moving. In this, freezing would take a matter of seconds.

Basically if one wants to create a chilling effect or, given the proper strength, affect the weather. They would choose the first option. On the other hand, if one wants to essentially freeze on contact they would choose the second option.

These two factors would be considered the foundation of the cold/freeze power of which more specialized things can be built from.

These specialized powers would include things like forming frozen weapons. Where instead of controlling a whole area around the person. One would control the area within a determined shape. If one would desire to shoot projectiles that would require a combination of kinetic manipulation and the freezing respectively.

One interesting thing about the science of freezing is when considered in aspects of time.

Time essentially is the passage of matter through space. If one were to freeze everything to the point in which no single atom within the area moved. The area would essentially be frozen in time since no movement whatsoever would occur. This is much like cryogenics and the freezing and reanimation of living tissue.

So there you have it! Freezing and cold explained!

Be sure to stay tuned for other explanations of super powers!

As always, have a great day

Jon, out

Cup of Morning the 3rd

Good morning everyone! It’s another day to be alive and another day for a freshly brewed Cup of Morning!

Today’s song of choice shall be Helicopter by Bloc Party. Definitely something that will raise your heart beat!

Anyways

Wanna know what’s amazing? Waking up in the morning before the alarm goes off, and on top of that you’re not even tired!

Sure there’s rain outside, but right now you’re feeling so good it could be raining cute ninja puppies and you’d be just dandy.

I love these days because it’s not just the waking up or the AMAZING peanut butter and marshmallow fluff sandwich I had.

It’s the feeling you get when you know you’re gonna have a good day. It’s unexplainable really, but it’s this feeling that you just know it’s gonna be smooth sailing ahead.

For some people happiness can be found in success, for others it can be found in helping others, and others still will find happiness when being spanked by a dominatrix.

I however find happiness in the little things in life like getting up a little bit early for a day.

So this is me wishing you all that today you find your own dominatrix. Whether it be the one that has you tied up and is about to use the belt. Or the dominatrix that makes it rain ninja stripper midgets.

A happy day to all!

I hope you enjoyed today’s Cup of Morning.

Jon, out.

Surviving Finals Week

A note to all college students reading this. Be aware that for some of you, the finals week might have already passed, for others it’s still weeks away. As for people like me, finals week is right around the corner.

What I’m about to disclose to you, my fellow bloggers, is secret information about all college finals. This information contains instructions that will lead readers towards INSTANT SUCCESS in finals, guaranteed.

I pinky swear.

So let’s begin with the exact information that i have acquired. The essential Truth of Finals. I received an e-mail from an anonymous source going by the name sexytwinkiehumper24. His message was short:

Go to the teachers lounge if you seek the truth.

Normally, I would be cautious about trusting humpers, especially sexy ones, but his love for Twinkies could not be ignored. I proceeded to find the lounge and waited for the perfect time to come in. When i entered, the room was dark. I felt someone’s presence though… or rather, I smelt the delicious pastry.

“Sexytwinkiehumper24?” i said towards the darkness.

The figure moved up to me with shady speed and handed me an envelope. I noticed this man had a little white cream on his pants: his most recent victim.

“Thanks, I..” he had disappeared when I looked up.

As i walked out of the lounge I felt something in my pockets.

A twinkie. Slightly humped.

I proceeded to throw it away and continued on towards my dorm. I was so excited: in my hands I held something of (step 48: you’re f**ked) utmost importance, i just didn’t know what it was. So i tore open the envelope and pulled out the first paper.

‘Classified: FInal Exam Guide: How to Tame Your Rainbow Jimmies’ was written on the paper.

Now I won’t go into detail of everything found within those documents, but what was contained within was the most glorious solution to all finals ever.

0. There is no camel
1. Acquire peanut butter
2. It MUST be crunchy
3. God damn it better be crunchy.
4. Is your peanut butter crunchy? NO it’s P as in Pussy crap!
5. Disregard peanut butter, acquire mothers panties
6. Subject peanut butter to ridicule and insult its honor
7. Place panties on head
8. Ride into class on camel stated in step number 0
9. Make out with peanut butter and use its crunchiness to pass exam as explained in step 48
10. Fail school. start business as Twinkie humper and destroy the hoho’s king
11. Eminent success

And that my friends is how you survive finals week.

Jon, out.